These are very small paintings, 5" x 8". I want to turn them into prints.

I have been painting a lot of faces. They are painted this way because I could not paint them well any other way. I go into every painting hoping to bring it to resolution, but I cannot seem to make it happen.

My teacher told me that she thinks I paint my anxieties.

Our assignment for studio is to make a painting a day for the length of October. I am going to try and start posting a few of the good ones.

Double majoring is the best thing I've ever done. I am meeting my expectations of myself.

I've started reading East of Eden. I would be much farther along if there weren't so many goddamn words that I didn't know. Like. Nouns. Nouns that I have never encountered before. It makes for very difficult casual reading.

I'm trying to finish up a bunch of projects before I go back to Boston. I had wanted to do so much more this summer. I have lists and lists of intentions. My hopes are that eventually half of these goals become moot, and that the other half are encompassed by larger, more fully realized goals.

I leave for Boston on the 30th. So I'll be around until then. I know I haven't made much forward-action towards seeing people and getting together, but I enjoy it. I do.

I'm looking forward to school: grades learning, getting better. I desperately want to get better.

Life has been mild. Television and air conditioning force me to do nothing all day long.

I bought two beautiful paperback editions of East of Eden and Grapes of Wrath. I can't wait to crack 'em open and start reading.

I went walking with Aly two nights ago. I wish more people lived close by that I could go walking at night with. Very nice.

JUST when I find the willpower to give up FMyLife and Overheard at BU, my friend sends me this link:

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

All my thoughts of late boil down to: Lauryn Hill Lauryn Hill! From New York to ISREAL!

TODAY I WAS ACTIVE!

I woke up early. Went to the bank (deposited three checks), the library (returned three books), and Stop & Shop (where I bought ON SALE a bag of delicious sour cream, onion, and chive Kettle brand potato chips). Went to the movies, hung out with mah peeps, painted a little, read a little, watched a lil' Star Wars (Spike is having a FORCE OF JULY weekend marathon).

AND I HAVE AN ANECDOTE TO SHARE!!

Little boy [to his sister]: Do you think I'm pretty?
Sister: Mmm. I'll tell you in the car.

And I have finally started planning my summer trip up to Boston. Which, if everything goes well, will be happening the weekend of the 24th.

YO LISTEN YO YO YO / LOVIN' YOU IS LIKE A SONG I REPLAY EVERY THREE MINUTES AND THIRTY SECONDS OF EVERY DAY / AND EVERY CHORUS / WAS WRITTEN FOR US TO RECITE / EVERY BEAUTIFUL MELODY OF DEVOTION EVERY NIGHT / THIS POTION MIGHT / THIS OCEAN MIGHT / CARRY ME ON A WAVE OF EMOTION TO ASK YOU TO MARRY ME / AND EVERY WORD / EVERY SECOND AND EVERY THIRD / EXPRESSES THE HAPPINESS MORE CLEARLY THAN EVER HEARD / AND WHEN I PLAY 'EM / EVERY CHORD IS A POEM / TELLIN' THE LORD HOW GRATEFUL I AM 'CAUSE I KNOW HIM / THE HARMONIES POSSES / A SENSATION SIMILAR TO YOUR CARESS / AND IF YOU ASKIN' THEN I'M TELLIN' YOU IT'S YES / STAND IN LOVE TAKE MY HAND IN LOVE JAH BLESS

Majestic Gardens has a new walk-in refrigerator. We can put more stuff in there now.

That's about all that's new with me. I was going to try and watch some summer programs, but I don't feel like keeping up with new episodes.

House was good. I'll be looking forward to season six in the fall.



I am in love with Lauryn Hill. Again.

Lauryn and Ms. Winehouse need to shape up. I need more albums.



Mmm.

For the New Intellectual, pg 8 - 9.

Man's consciousness shares with animals the first two stages of its development: sensations and perceptions; but it is the third stage, conceptions, that makes him man. Sensations are integrated into perceptions automatically, by the brain of a man or of an animal. But to integrate perceptions into conceptions by a process of abstraction, is a feat that man alone has the power to perform--and he has to perform it by choice. The process of abstraction and of concept-formation is a process of reason, of thought; it is not automatic nor instinctive nor involuntary nor infallible. Man has to initiate it, to sustain it and to bear responsibility for its results.

The Romantic Manifesto, pg 4.

One of the distinguishing characteristics of a work of art is that it serves no practical, material end, but is an end in itself; it serves no purpose other than contemplation--and the pleasure of that contemplation is so intense, so deeply personal that a man experiences it as a self-sufficient, self-justifying primary.

OH, AYN.

My reading list for this summer consists solely of her essays and manifestos.

Lauryn FUCKING Hill. Why did it take me so long to buy her MTV Unplugged album? I knew about it over a year ago and I was just like 'I'll get to it eventually.' And I knew it was supposed to be this awkward combination of a raspy voice and a fumbling guitar--but that was good. Like, it was supposed to be honest. Except I heard it was kinda preachy too? So, I just never listened to it.

Amazing. It is amazing.

She is amazing.

When she preaches it IS honest.

When she raps it IS honest.

HOWEVER, on occasion, her singing doesn't quite hold up to the authenticity of her premises. On a few tracks, her 'bare' emotions seem a bit forced and performed.

But besides that, there is nothing I don't like about this album. Fantastic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VBMS5RyMFM

PS-- This is what I'm doing in my basement right now.

I've written a long long to-do list for the summer. On it are such gems as, "Make paintings for sister's apartment" and, "Learn to drive."

Yesterday I called Majestic Gardens. I successfully left the message, "Benjamin Swanson will be returning May 22nd." So--yea--I still have a job!

I'll actually be returning to Long Island the 12th---this Tuesday. So watch out!

All I have left to do here in Boston is finish my final painting. And do laundry. And finish packing.

On a side note, I must say that I have really been enjoying this season of American Idol. And it is mostly due to the Entertainment Weekly podcast-ish video series Idolatry ( http://www.ew.com/ew/package/0,,20007164_20174011,00.html ).

But my favorite contestant was voted off! Allison Iraheta! And she was fucking voted off for singing a Janis Joplin song! Like! WTF?

http://www.americanidol.com/videos/season_8/performances/allison_iraheta_cry_baby

WTF?

These past months have been defined exclusively by Ayn Rand, and her novels Atlas Shrugged, and We The Living.

It's been about a week since I finished We The Living, so I think I'm distanced enough to actually talk about how my life's been (as opposed to how my life's been PHILOSOPHICALLY).

I haven't been doing a lot of work. I'm slowly losing that horrible guilt that kept me focused and dedicated. I do realize that it's not completely a personal failure. The nature of the studio work this past year has been observational--dictating that we only work during class-time. Next year I will either definitively transition to Type B or snap back to Type A.

It would be horrible for me to lose my work ethic. I would be such a hypocrite if that happened.

I'm really enjoying Amy Winehouse's first album, Frank. Her voice is a lot thinner and her songs are not quite as well composed, but there are a few gems on the album.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFp-7Zr3ziw

My 8' x 6' painting is coming along. Yea. More about that when I finish it.

But yea, that's what I've been this semester: a lotta Ayn Rand, a lotta Joni Mitchell, and a little bit of Amy W.

And I painted a bit, too--I suppose.

The simplicity of their songs resonates with... like.. UGH the simplicity of MY SOUL.

Ugh. WHEN I GET UH-UH-UP, AND SO DO YO-OO-OU.

So I have a few new, really good friends. One of them is Tunc (pronounced Toonjh), and the other is Keren, who lived on my floor last year. Keren isn't really new, I was friends with her last year, but we just recently realized that we were SOULMATES. And Tunc is completely awesome. He's Turkish and awesome. Both Keren and Tunc are transfers. Tunc was in programming, and Keren was in set design. Now, Tunc is a sculpting major, and Keren is painting.

I just wanted to talk about them. As I am spending a lot of time with them.

PS LOST: When Locke visited Kate, I was overwhelmed with HOW GOOD that scene was.

"I was angry. I was obs- OBSESSED."

"Look how far you've come."

SO GOOD.

Life is good; making new friends; keeping all the old ones; things are good.

I've been making a lot of art outside of class, which is fantastic!

Last week I built my 6 by 8 foot strainers for my final painting. Today I stretched the canvas.

Currently I'm working on portraits of two friends.

I entered a print into the Arches Student Print Exhibition, and not only was it accepted into the show--but I fucking won an award! Out of 311 prints, mine was considered top 20! I beat out GRAD students. I BEAT OUT MY FUCKING T.A.

On the downside,

Don't know where I'm living next year. I haven't actually studied for my midterm on Thursday (though I've outlined all the chapters). My schedule for next year isn't working out. I might have to give up painting. Still haven't made my sister's Christmas gifts. Whoops.

Just a quick entry! Something more substantial tomorrow, perhaps?

I can write a successful essay.

Yes, I CAN compare and contrast two paintings for five pages.

But do not ask me to make it MEAN something. Because it doesn't mean ANYTHING. It CAN'T mean anything. It is a comparison of two paintings. TWO PAINTINGS! The American wing of the Museum of Fine Arts is under construction! My choices were limited! I picked these two paintings because they were similar and easily compared and contrasted, not because--together--they illuminate a universal truth!

So you can take my thesis, Professor Morgan, and shove it up your ass.

My break has been very mild. Lots of TV and lots of videogames.

I hardly see anybody and I hardly do anything. And I understand that this is my fault--that I'm a big boy and can make play dates all by myself--but I'm still allowed to be upset about it.

Today! However, was action-packed! I cleaned the birdcage AND I made chicken cutlets. Mhmmm, I know.

But really. I love making chicken cutlets. Holding raw meat is always an experience. And then you roll it in flour and dip it in eggs. And the eggs are raw, too. And you're doing it all with your bare hands. I'm being totally serious though.

I just watched the Star Trek trailer. And it looks EPIC! I mean, really. FANtastic trailer. Like, a perfect trailer--besides the bit with the awkward little boy.

BACK IN NY.

I just downloaded Zooey Deschanel's album. I like it. But it's too indie for me to LOVE it. I really want to hear more.

I'm still waaay too stuck on Amy Winehouse.

I need a new book or something. Music is driving me crazy.

PS: More Brandi Carlile:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7riEBc0R1rk

Really, listen to that song. It's good.

I'm in the process of rewatching LOST. I've finished seasons 1, 3, and 4 and I'm in the middle of 2 right now. And I must say that I want to fucking shoot Michael in the face. He is such a dumbass.

"WALT!"

"WHERE'S WALT?"

"HAVE YOU SEEN WALT?"

"WALT!" "WALT!" "WALT!"

"THEY TOOK MY BOY!"

"WHERE'S MY BOY?"

"MY BOY?"

"HAVE YOU SEEN MY BOY?" "MY BOY?"

"WALT?"

"HAVE YOU SEEN MY BOY?" "HAVE YOU SEEN MY BOY?"

"HAVE YOU SEEN MY BOY?"

"THEY TOOK MY BOY!"

In regards to my real life, I am doing quite fine. I don't have any finals so I don't have to do any studying. All I have due is a final painting--and I'm almost finished with that. I'll be back in Miller Place on Saturday.

And that's that.

PS: Oh! There's this one Penny/Desmond scene in season 4 that KILLS me.

DESMOND: I don't know where I am, but--

PENNY: I'll find you, Des--

DESMOND: --I promise--

PENNY: --no matter what--

DESMOND: --I'll come back to you--

PENNY: --I won't give up--

BOTH: I promise. I love you.

Oh god, it kills me. Just thinking about it. I'm killed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89V7hvEmSD8

Sex?

I LIKE the song. I LIKE the video. But Pink just isn't blowing me away with this album.

However, Tegan & Sara just keep turning me on and on and on.

And Joni FUCKING Mitchell. SO GOOD.

My skin is such a fucking tease. Just. Like. Fuck you.

And on TOP of the acne, I have a rash all across my neck. I think I'm allergic to the printmaking ink.

It'd be okay if I just looked like crap. But my face HURTS. And my feet HURT. And my hands HURT. And my clothes are getting ruined. And I need a haircut. And my deodorant has decided to stop working.

I get that this is all superficial. So so superficial. But I'm going through a lot right now. And my friends are going through a lot too. So I'm going to complain about my appearance. Because I can.



This song is nice:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWLpEY7eEAI